


Supernatural incorrect quotes

by letsbegin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Incorrect Quotes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 07:31:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17762492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsbegin/pseuds/letsbegin
Summary: Just a bunch of Supernatural incorrect quotes I make when I'm bored.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These are all based off of quotes my friends and I have said but changed.

Gabriel: Bitch

Cas: Jerk

Gabriel: Asshat

Cas: Assbutt

Gabriel: Dick

Cas: Sumbass

Dean *under his breath*: Damn it, Cas

 

Gabriel: So Sammy, tell me a story

Sam: Uh in second grade we had a gecko named Speedy

Gabriel: Aww that’s cute

Sam: He died

 

Leviathans: Cas is…hm, he’s gone

Dean: Bro I swear to Lucifer Imma throw hands with this bitch

 

Dean: This bunkers getting to damn crowded there’s no more friggin chairs. Where am I supposed to sit, on the table?

Cas: You can sit on my lap if you want

Sam: ....

Crowley: ….

Charlie: ….

 

Dean: What do you see in him?

Sam: He’s funny, handsome, clever, and he’s really smart

Gabriel *walks into the kitchen*: I munch, I crunch, I eat my lunch

Dean: ….

Sam: seriously


	2. Chapter 2

Gabriel: People don’t vaccinate their kids anymore?!

Balthazar: Dude, calm down, it’s okay

Gabriel: NOO THEY BROUGHT BACK POLIO!

 

Crowley, Gabriel, Balthazar, Cas, and Charlie play Cards Against Humanity and Dean walks in

Gabriel: Were you ice?

Cas: No, I was my sex dungeon

Charlie: I was dry heaving

Crowley: Ha, my genitals win!

Dean: What the hell is going on here?

 

Crowley: Man, I love drowning children

Dean: Dude, it is 8 in the morning and we’re in a diner

 

Dean: *walks into a room*

Balthazar: In conclusion, rock hard balls

Dean *turning around and walking out* Nope

 

Lucifer: No one bothers to defy me

Dean: Crowley

Sam: Abaddon

Crowley: Meg

Cas: Micheal

Gabriel: Me

Balthazar: Sam

Lucifer: Okay I get it jeez


	3. Chapter 3

Balthazar: He saw my true form and became extra, spicy, zesty blind

Sam: I don’t even know where to start with that

 

Dean: I didn’t say you could hug me

Gabriel: Fuck you I don’t need consent

 

Sam: Gabriel, why did you take Charlie’s computer?

Gabriel: She poked my ball

Charlie: I didn’t think an archangel as old as time would be so protective over a stress ball with a smiley face

Gabriel: It’s my childlike whimsy, so fuck you

 

Cas: How did you do that?

Charlie: My phone is my magic wand

Dean: I can’t do this right now, I’ll be in my room

 

Charlie *looking at a pic of Brie Larson*: She could run me over with a truck and I’d politely apologize to her

Cas: You would be dead or severely injured, why would you apologize?

Dean: Cas it’s, nevermind, someone else explain this one to him I explained porn


	4. Chapter 4

Kevin *drops the remote*: Motherfucking ass clown

Dean: Dude are you ok? Seriously, go sleep or eat or something

 

Gabriel: I just swallowed an entire marshmallow whole. Please help. I think I’m dying.

Dean: Gabriel, marshmallow swallower

Sam: I can’t believe you guys are my brother and my boyfriend

 

Dean walking into a room and seeing Balthazar pinning Gabriel down on the floor.

Gabriel: Just let me slam my head on the wall!

Dean: *sighs* I need new friends

 

Crowley *walks up to Dean*: stab me with the demon blade

Dean: what, why?

Gabriel shouting in another room: I just want to see how hot Sebastian Stan’s ass is!

Dean: Tell you what, possess me and I’ll stab myself

 

Cas: I think I’m low on milk

Sam: Want some more?

Cas: No I still have some

*chugs rest of milk*

Cas: Now I’m out of milk and yes I would like some more


	5. Chapter 5

Sam: Why, why is Balthazar on the ground

Gabriel: Cuz he said oof and then he was on the ground

Sam: Yeah but wh- nevermind I’m going for burgers try not to die while I’m gone

 

Dean: Hey, Cas you want some orange juice?

Cas: Yes give me the d

Dean almost dropping the glass he was holding: That doesn’t mean what you think Cas

Cas: Is it not slang for vitamin d?

Dean putting a glass of orange juice in front of Cas and leaving the room: It means dick, Cas


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now these are just John Mulaney quotes

Balthazar: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

Gabriel: Jokes on you I love chocolate eclairs

Balthazar *yelling*: Sam, how do you feel about chocolate eclairs?

Sam *in the other room*: I hate them

Gabriel *pointing at Balthazar*: You bitch, take it back

 

Cas: Tell me a story about your childhood

Dean: One time we passed a McDonald’s and my dad pulled in, Sam and I were so excited

Cas: What did you get?

Dean: He ordered one black coffee for himself and then continued driving

 

Gabriel *walking into a room*: Too old to be a duckling! Quack! Quack!

Kevin: CROWLEY!

Crowley: You called

Kevin: I’ll sell you my soul to make him be normal

 

Gabriel: Why do people shush animals?

Sam: B-

Gabriel: They’ve never spoken

 

Balthazar: Everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds

Dean: Dude you’re sitting in the bunker kitchen


	7. Chapter 7

Sam: What was one thing god created that you were concerned about?

Gabriel: I always thought quicksand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be

Sam: Not sharks, or hurricanes, or dinosaurs, but quicksand

 

Bobby: What’s one pet peeve you have?

Crowley: Sometimes babies will point at me and I don’t care for that shit

 

Balthazar: Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

Dean: Cool, now answer the question, what do you want on your pizza?

 

Sam: Dean and I have very different styles of dealing with people.

Sam: I’m like, hey it's okay, I’m gonna help, you’re safe

Sam: Dean’s like, brush your teeth. Now boom, orange juice. That’s life

 

Dean: Sam asked me if anything happened between us in purgatory

Benny: And what did you say?

Dean: No. You know, like a liar.


	8. Chapter 8

Crowley: We’re outnumbered we can’t fight them, we need to leave and make a new plan.

Dean *charging 50 vampires*: Get out of here with you’re facts. Just cause you’re accurate doesn’t make you interesting

 

Dean: you know Sam one day something’s going to happen and you’ll realise I was right all along

*8 years later*

Sam walking up with Dean standing over him

Dean: The other shoe just dropped

 

Sam: I don't know why Dean was the one left in charge.

Sam: All he could do was dial the telephone a little better than I could.

 

Bobby: I was once on the phone with Blockbuster Video-

Gabriel: That is a very old fashioned sentence

Dean: Says the guy who hid his secret porn death message on a VCR 

 

Dean: Hey Gabriel, want a beer?

Sam: Gabriel no longer drink alcohol

Dean: What, why?

Gabriel *sighing and looking down*: I quit drinking cause I used to drink too much then I would black out and “ruin parties”


	9. Chapter 9

Crowley, Gabriel, Balthazar, Cas, and Charlie play Cards Against Humanity and Dean walks in again

Charlie: Yay… Vagina

Crowley: Dang it I was getting pegged

Balthazar: But my privileged white penis

Gabriel: I was pulling out how did I not win

Cas: It’s Charlie, so I went for the genitals

Dean: I was coming to ask Cas if he wanted to cuddle but now I just feel dirty

 

Sam: Hey Gabriel do you-

Gabriel: Go fuck yourself on a fork!

Gabriel: I’m sorry that was harsh, what were you saying Sammy

 

Crowley, Gabriel, Balthazar, Cas, Sam,and Charlie play Cards Against Humanity and Dean walks in yet again

Gabriel *sadly*: My threesome

Crowley: My fat daughter beats your threesome

Balthazar: But nothing beats penis breath

Cas: I had boners!

Sam: But Daniel Radcliffe’s delicious asshole

Dean: Not you too Sam

 

Cas: Hey watch ou-

Gabriel *walks into wall*: Oh wow, there’s a wall


	10. Chapter 10

Balthazar: I saw him in the then part and he was getting his ass licked and I got sad

Dean: Legitimately, what the fuck man, I asked if you were hungry

 

John: How did you meet Castiel

Dean: Well, it all started when I took a trip down to Satan’s lair

John: So you sold your soul and he had to save you ass

Dean: Yes, yes I did and yes he pulled me out

 

Dean: What the hell Gabe, why’d you punch me?

Gabriel: I thought you stole my sharks

Dean: Your what?!

Gabriel *holding up a bag of gummy sharks*: My s-h-a-r-k-s, sharks

 

Balthazar: It’s a fucking, what are those spiny things with the horses?

Balthazar: CAROUSELS! My life is a gay ass carousel

 

Crowley: You okay, Cas

Cas: Yes, I’m fine

*passes out and falls to the ground*


	11. Chapter 11

Gabriel: I think we should talk about us

Sam: What about?

Gabriel: I just told you, us, u-o-s, wait

 

Crowley *throwing a book to Kevin*: Kevin, catch

*book hits Kevin in the face*

Kevin: Satan on a saltine

Crowley: We really need to give you a vacation

 

Crowley: And then we light it on fire

Bobby: Yeah no that’s a no

 

Balthazar: Sock puppets are stupid and childish

Garth: Uh stop you’re making me upsetti spaghetti

 

Sam: Dean, let me bandage your neck

Dean: Who’s vamp bite is this? Is this OUR vamp bite?? Stay out of it


	12. Chapter 12

Gabriel: Sam and I finish eachother’s-

Crowley: sentences

Gabriel:

Crowley: You’re not special

 

Charlie: The door is looked

Gabriel: Stand back. Locks are my specialty

Gabriel: *smashes window*

 

Dean, teaching Cas how to drive: okay, you’re driving, and Sam and Gabriel walk into the road. quick, which do you hit?

Cas: Gabriel obviously, he would survive and heal instantly

Dean *massaging his head*: The brakes Cas, you hit the brakes

 

Balthazar *bursting into the bunker*: How dare you!

Gabriel: How dare ME? How dare YOU! Wait what are we talking about?

 

Dean, walking into the living room: hey-

Charlie, standing by a chalkboard: ok so what we learnt so far 

Cas: "it's raining men" and "let the bodies hit the floor" are about the same event but from different perspectives

Charlie: good work

Dean: [slowly retreats]


End file.
